The Scorekeeper

ONE...TWO...THREE !

"Some folks think I'm 'off my rocker'...look...I'm not!

There was a time when Philip could easily be persuaded to do or say things in a particular way. He accepted instructions and 'teachings' quite readily...and once indoctrinated...he assumed full ownership. No point in trying to steer him 'off course' after that! A classic example is the previously mentioned 'lever-depressing-flushing' obsession which originated in Newfoundland due to the inconsistency of 'one' particular toilet. Years later, without questioning, he still depresses the lever and audibly counts to three before he's comfortable enough to leave the washroom. Any washroom!

Philip maintains the same consistent 'penchant for perfection' when it comes to littering. Our kids, from early on, were taught that littering was wrong. They responded well and continue to this day to take it seriously (mind you, one would argue that Julie suffered a 'litter-al lapse' during her teen years - the toxic waste that piled up and crawled around in her room would have made Chernobyl look like Disney's Magic Kingdom!).

Not so in Philip's case! If one even thought of tossing something out of the window, the 'environmental envoy' would go into action. It's comical to watch him, even these days, when he sees some paper fly out of the window of the car ahead of us. He tenses...looks over at me...looks back at the other car...looks back at me..."did you see that?" "Yes, Philip!" He's torn...wants to yell..."don'tcha know?"...can't...he's helpless! Finally submits to the forces of evil at work ...starts to sulk...and you can hear him mumbling for the next while..."shouldn't litter...shouldn't litter...shouldn't litter!"(always 3 times...must be magic in that number!). Sees a pop can tossed and pandemonium ensues! "That's recyclable!", he cries.

In his room you'll find no critter,

'Cause they'd starve - Phil leaves no litter!

"That's what garbage cans are for!", he lets you know.

So be careful with your refuse,

Philip won't accept your excuse,

"It's just wrong!"...and he can't wait to tell you so!

Disciplining Philip has never been a major task. As a child it was relatively easy...as with most kids. An action or behaviour needs to be addressed? You do so with the fine parental skills you picked up from your parents...or preferably...from Sesame Street! A stern look...a serious tone...a treat-withholding threat...and order was normally restored.

In Philip's case (and for the life of me I can't remember how it got started), we employed a 'unique technique' that immediately got his attention and worked wonders in behavioural intervention. If he veered 'off course' and we needed to get him back 'on course', I would give him the famous parental 'death stare' and simply say, "Philip, I'm going to start counting...you may wish to reconsider your behaviour before I get to 3!"

He wouldn't move. "One!", I began. He stood defiant! "Two!", I continued. His knees would start to shake...eyes darting...lips quivering...brain cells crashing! "Okay...okay!" And the world was suddenly a brighter place!

Philip's 30 years old, and we still use the '3-count'. For over 20 years we've never reached the number 3! (yup...there is magic in that number!). Thank goodness...'cause personally...I don't know what would happen should he ever 'hold his ground' and put us to the test. Julie and Johnny on the other hand? I tried that with them. "One!", I'd begin. "Two - three - four - five - six - seven!", they'd mockingly reply (grrr!!...we should of had 3 Philips!).

Philip is not a fan of smoking. He tolerates it...doesn't fully understand the concerns and consequences of this socially 'criminal' behaviour...but knows from his upbringing, tv ads, etc., that it is, in today's environment, unacceptable.

At around the age of 17, Philip came home one day from school with 'good news'. He had a girl friend! "Really?", we chimed in bewildered unison. "And what is she like?" "Oh, she's beautiful!", he boasted. This young 'lady' (tsk...tsk ) was in his class and rode the same bus. Philip was there due to developmental issues...she was there for behavioural reasons (a controversial classroom pairing...an educational fiasco!) Anyway, Philip was, to our chagrin, attracted to her.

"So, Philip, she's beautiful...and...?" "Well", he replied, "she has one of those things in her ear." "A hearing aid?...you know that's so she can hear better.""No,!", he said. "An ear ring?", Diane asked. "No, up higher!", he persisted. "An ear clip?", Diane continued. "No, higher...it's white and in behind her ear...you know...you smoke it!". Well, Diane was aghast! I looked at her...smiled...looked at my son standing there so proudly...and commented..."a real keeper, eh, Philip?" I started to count...one...

It wasn't long after that he gave up 'girl keeping'...and took up score keeping!

We couldn't be happier!