BARFMAN!

There once was a boy from St. Kitts

Whose puking gave mom and dad fits!

Noon, night-time and morning,

He gave us no warning...

Just smiled while we cleaned up his 'spritz'!

Around the age of two Philip developed a serious condition in his digestive system which caused him to throw up...nearly after every meal . Without warning, and at the most inopportune times, he would hurl. Not a mild, orderly expulsion of his recent food and beverage intake, but a projectile explosion of his entire innards that would have made Linda Blair envious. He could nail the neighbours dog at twenty feet! At times it appeared he found it amusing...but probably not...for he was quite sick. Plastic bags and paper towels were always at the ready when in church or at family gatherings.

This delightful period in Philip's life lasted about 5 years. Then suddenly, almost overnight, and without treatment, Barfman retired. Oh, he surfaces these days from time to time, but only because Philip refuses to properly chew roast beef. He gives ample warning though...talk ceases...eyes bulge...gaggy noises commence...then he sprints for the nearest sink.

Needless to say, roast beef has been replaced many times by ground beef at the dinner table...at least on his plate. (Is it any wonder yogurt and chocolate pudding are two of his favourite snacks!)

PEE-ER PRESSURE!

One of the unique traits of children with developmental issues , again, at least in Philip's case, is the uncanny ability to grasp, retain, and own instruction. For example, a few years ago, while we were living in Newfoundland (2004 - 2006), the toilet was having trouble flushing...unless you kept the lever down for a time. I explained the situation to Philip and asked him to depress the lever, count to 3, and release...then all would be fine. That was 5 years ago. To this day he NEVER uses the bathroom , anywhere, without depressing the lever and audibly counting to three!

Since we're on the subject of toilets...and Philip grasping instruction and never letting go...here's another great story.

Philip has never stood to pee. Very early in life he was taught to sit - regardless of what his business was - and, true to his nature, he completely embraced that concept, and consequently...he always sits...knows no other way. (By the way, all the men in our immediate family sat/still sit at all times...no messy toilets and no seat position arguments at our house)

However, this ingrained sit-uation has caused Philip tremendous pee-er pressure over the years. Once, on our way to St. John's, Newfoundland, he insisted he had to go...couldn't wait...wouldn't wait...yipes! So we pulled over on the 'Trans Canada' heading into the province's capital. He got out, 'stood' close to the van, and we waited...and waited...and waited! Frustration on our part soon turned to laughter, which only put poor Philip under more pressure. We eventually left the Trans Canada - as pristine as we'd found it - drove another agonizing 15 minutes to town where he 'sat' on the throne of the nearest Tim Horton's with great success.

Rewind 10 years...Philip and I were at a CFL football game at Ivor Wynn Stadium in Hamilton, Ontario. At half time,we, along with thousands of others, headed for the washrooms. The urinals were in sight...the aroma was out-of-sight...and the line ups were 20 deep. Philip grabbed a line...I another. Ten minutes later we 'stood' at our respective 'receptacles of relief'...I finished and left to make way for the hordes in waiting. But guess who else was waiting? You guessed it...poor Philip stood there for what seemed like an eternity...waiting...silently pleading...miserably subjected to the impatient taunting of the angry beer-laden mob behind him. I finally caught his eye, beckoned him to the back of the room, and suggested he 'sit' in one of the vacant stalls . He did so with great delight and was rewarded with instant relief.

That single disparaging incident left such an impression on Philip that he has brought it up numerous times over the years....just to remind his mom and dad that when it comes to public washrooms, he takes a firm stand...he 'sits'!